In April of this year, I delivered a stillborn baby boy at 20 weeks gestation. Though it was a difficult time, I was comforted from hearing about others who experienced similar situations. I decided to ask some ladies if they would contribute to a booklet I plan on publishing. So far, eight ladies have sent me their stories. I appreciate their honesty and encouragement. Though lengthy, I am sharing my story with you now. For some reason, I feel that the Lord would have me share it here on my blog. Please feel free to pass it on.
My history of pregnancies has been rocky, to say the least. I would like to share my journey in hopes of encouraging others. Let me start by giving a short history of my life since becoming married in 1998. My husband and I always knew we wanted children, but after seven years without becoming pregnant, I realized something must be wrong. My suspicions were warranted. A specialist confirmed my dread . . . we may never have children without medical intervention. I went home disheartened. Psalm 18:30a reads, “As for God, his way is perfect. . .” Instead of praying for God to give us a baby, I instead prayed for God to give me peace about NOT having a baby. God then did a miracle! Not 4 weeks later (and on Father’s Day), I realized I was expecting . . . and with NO medical intervention!
My first pregnancy was full of new feelings, emotions, and anxieties. Because everything was new to me, I didn’t realize how sick I was becoming. I developed serious preeclampsia (or pregnancy-induced hypertension) and was put on bed rest. I was induced at 36 weeks and delivered a healthy baby boy by emergency caesarean. After birth, my blood pressure did not go down and I was “ordered” to stay in bed for two more weeks and to have someone with me 24 hours a day to insure my safety in case I had seizures. Thankfully, the Lord protected me and I recovered within two weeks! My firstborn is now 4.
Having a baby after being told that I may never have children made every day special for us. My husband and I “spoiled” our boy with affection and love. We were content with our one “miracle baby,” and I had a sense of peace about not having any more children. God had other plans, however; and when our first was just 8 months old, I found out I was expecting again! My second pregnancy was fairly uneventful, but for some reason I went into labor early and delivered my second son at just 34 weeks. My health was great after delivery, but not so for my son. He spent 20 days in the NICU gaining strength and being tested for his various health problems. After he was released, we spent hours visiting specialists, including a respitory therapist, an endocrinologist and even an oncologist (that is a doctor that deals with cancer patients!). God showed himself real to us and at about 3 months of age, our baby was given a clean bill of health. My second son is now 3.
Now we had two handsome little boys and moved to another state to be near family. We were obviously SHOCKED when we found out I was expecting a third time (so much for us being infertile, right?). This time I experienced the high blood pressure again, but medication kept it under control. I lasted until 38 weeks before being induced with baby boy #3. He was a big boy and came out with a bruised face. After bringing him home, he developed severe jaundice and was readmitted to the hospital for three days. I prayed for my baby to be protected from any brain damage and God answered! He is now a healthy 2 year old.
Because of our “renewed fertility,” my husband and I decided to wait at least two years before trying for another baby. Well, I should not have to tell you what happened next. The Christmas after our third son turned one, we found out a fourth baby was on the way! No one could believe it . . . including me! I think I was in denial, because I didn’t tell anyone for the first ten weeks. This pregnancy was one of the worst. I was constantly nauseous and developed a terrible cold that lasted for weeks. For six days straight I also had a stomach virus and could not eat a bite. At about 14 weeks I had an ultrasound and everything looked great. At about 16 weeks I thought it seemed my belly had stopped growing and the nausea ended. When I was at 20 weeks I developed a fever that lasted three days. It was a Saturday when the fever went down and I felt a bit better, but around dinner time I felt a terrible cramp and started bleeding. I ran to the bathroom and called for my husband. I knew the baby was gone. An ambulance arrived to bring me to the hospital, and although I was upset, I was glad to see my boys so excited that paramedics were in our house. Thinking of my boys really helped me through the ordeal of delivering a stillborn and spending the night in a hospital were I could hear crying newborns. God gave me strength I didn’t think I had.
During my hospital stay, one of the nurses was a true blessing to me. She told me what to expect, held my hand through the delivery, and spent the evening “checking up” on me. A few hours after giving birth, my baby was brought in for me to hold. It was another boy, but so tiny. His ears were not fully developed and his eyes were still closed. I wondered aloud how anyone could think a 20 week old fetus is not a baby. Pictures were taken and then a pseudo birth certificate was made. At the time it all made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but now I am glad I have something with which to remember my child. A few days later we had a burial service. My fourth son is in heaven with my mother, my brother, and countless others who knew the Lord as their Savior.
Four weeks after losing my son, I had my follow up visit with my OB. I was expecting to hear what many other ladies have heard . . . “We don’t know why you lost your baby.” However, this was not the case. My wonderful doctor had run 14 different tests on the 10 vials of blood that had been drawn. One of the tests came back positive. It showed that I have a rare blood clotting disorder that may have caused a blood clot in the umbilical cord. Most often, the few women who have this disorder have multiple pregnancy losses before they are tested. My doctor informed me that it was amazing that I had three successful pregnancies because it is a rarity for women with this blood disorder. It was GOD who gave me the three healthy boys that I have, and I feel truly blessed!
ZACHARY VINCENT - AGE 4
